bruuuno 10:16 Thu Mar 11
Mates coming to you for support
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All my WhatsApp is from people saying they’re struggling, need a chat, or are going through a really shit time. It’s been like that for much of lockdown and I’ve been struggling to keep going myself I’m so busy working so have little energy to help my mates. Much to my regret.
Do other people get this ? I don’t know if it’s unique to my strange pals.
Apologies if this a bit poncy, it’s something I struggle with and wonder if anyone’s found the same of lockdown
YFCOC
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Replies - Newest Posts First ( Show In Chronological Order)
Bungo
10:31 Sat Mar 13
Re: Mates coming to you for support
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I found that demonstrating an extremely shallow persona (really not hard) over the years puts you firmly last in line when anyone wants to have a deep conversation. Very happy to put myself out with all manner of practical help, but rather keep it light.
Took a little while to reach this place but well worth it at this stage of the game.
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Mike Oxsaw
9:21 Sat Mar 13
Re: Mates coming to you for support
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Hallerinthemorning 8:56 Sat Mar 13
So your role in like is just - only - to be at the beck and call of your "mates? No independent life of your own?
No wonder do-gooders have fucked the world.
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Hallerinthemorning
8:56 Sat Mar 13
Re: Mates coming to you for support
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Mike oxsaw - what a load of bollox.
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Mike Oxsaw
7:53 Sat Mar 13
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Manuel 6:52 Sat Mar 13
You'll never experience what the OP is on about, so best read up all you can about it.
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Manuel
6:52 Sat Mar 13
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So much wisdom, Oxsaw. We are so lucky and humbled to have you.
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Mike Oxsaw
4:03 Sat Mar 13
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Too Much Too Young 10:24 Fri Mar 12
That's utter, utter bollocks.
No matter what, he absolutely must have some "Me time", and maybe WHO is (part of) that time. Only he - not you or anybody else - can decide how much "Me time" he needs. You decide yours, he decides his.
He must take care of himself first and foremost otherwise he'll soon be the one asking for help and then there will be one less person to whom his mates can turn.
You need to be very disciplined in this and, to those of a certain opinion, it can seem a very selfish stance to take, but his first responsibility is to himself - but not exclusively so, which is the key.
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The Mercernary
11:35 Fri Mar 12
Re: Mates coming to you for support
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It certainly is, Alfs.
Fourth funeral in 4 years, so could do with a bit of peace and quiet for the next few years. A European tour or two next year would help...
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Alfs
10:32 Fri Mar 12
Re: Mates coming to you for support
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The Mercenary, that's tragic mate. No age at all. Life's a cunt sometimes.
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Too Much Too Young
10:24 Fri Mar 12
Re: Mates coming to you for support
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bruuuno,
You say you haven't had the time to help your mates, yet somehow do have the time to make a thread (and post many times) about the subject on a football forum.
I hope you now get in touch and check on your mates, as you clearly do have the time.
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The Mercernary
10:05 Fri Mar 12
Re: Mates coming to you for support
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Cheers Bruuuuuuuuno!
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bruuuno
7:57 Fri Mar 12
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Glad I’m not the only one OI, you know how it is. Normally I’d consider it a privilege to help but this year there’s too many people needing it and not enough hours in the day, I’m swamped.
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one iron
7:35 Fri Mar 12
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bruuuno, i get it all the time, its a pleasure to help, friends of all kinds and not only westham, if we help each other we can come out of all this shit better people, and more united look after yourself.
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bruuuno
7:12 Fri Mar 12
Re: Mates coming to you for support
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Sorry for your loss mate
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The Mercernary
6:06 Fri Mar 12
Re: Mates coming to you for support
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It's 12 months to the day since my wife's funeral and she would've turned 52 on Wednesday - can I join your WhatsApp group for a 'chat'?
swt
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Worst Case Ontario
2:46 Fri Mar 12
Re: Mates coming to you for support
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peroni 2:32 Fri Mar 12
Yeah I suppose I understand that to a point pal. That's why I didn't tear into anyone for what they said (in truth it was your comment that got me to thinking).
And you're right there about Pickle. His entrance is always enough to poison the atmosphere.
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Russ of the BML
2:42 Fri Mar 12
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You have the wrong mates.
All I get on WhatsApp from mine is porn, jokes and clips of people getting really hurt.
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Mike Oxsaw
2:37 Fri Mar 12
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Listening, being a generally passive activity, is a vastly underrated skill.
A lot of the people you feel most comfortable with are those that know how to listen (to you).
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peroni
2:32 Fri Mar 12
Re: Mates coming to you for support
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WCS
Yeah, I understand that mate, and I'm sure everyone feels the same. There's a big difference between being there for your mates, and having a laugh on a message board though.
I'm sure bruuuno knows that, and to be fair, it was Pickle's nauseating advice about "listening" that tipped the balance of the thread.
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Worst Case Ontario
2:27 Fri Mar 12
Re: Mates coming to you for support
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One of my best mates recently told me one of his greatest accomplishments was not taking his own life when he was going through an extremely dark time in his life.
What shocked me most about that was I hadn't even known he was in an especially bad way, let alone contemplating that.
And the reason he never mentioned it at the time was he didn't (and still doesn't) want to be seen as "gay."
I don't joke like that so I don't think I gave him the impression I would have seen him like that had he told me about it at the time. But it has been a reminder that sometimes even jokey, seemingly throwaway comments can have a serious, even fatal, impact.
Food for thought, I guess, is all.
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defjam
2:25 Fri Mar 12
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bruuuno 10:16 - Not just your mates, not just lockdown.
Even when my little brother committed suicide back in 2010 I had people asking for advice or a chat for themselves, that continued through my mum and dad passing away.
It's been especially prevalent during lockdown, but most people are a bit taken aback when they ask "How are you coping" and I say "Really well, it's a piece of piss compared to the rest of my life"
So that takes them out of that point when they want to start ranting or trying to get any sympathy.
It's mainly a mentality thing all I've known is struggle for my 54 years so this doesn't bother me at all, I don't suffer from depression or getting down either, I just get on with it and have never needed drink or drugs to cope.
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Swiss.
2:21 Fri Mar 12
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bruuuno
Don't fucking lie you have no mates.
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